Chapter 5

The alarm only sounded for a few seconds before Kyle’s hand flew out and switched it off. He’d already been awake for a few hours, thinking. Today, was going to be…different. Again and again, he milled over the ideas he’d had. Morning had come and he was still thinking it over. Sliding out of bed, he moved into his bathroom and stood in front of the sink looking himself over in the mirror. The bruises on his face had begun to fade but they were still visible, the scrapes and scratches had healed over and they too stood out against his complexion. The one thing that didn’t show was the only thing that Kyle cared about. The change inside, it was still happening, still taking place but it was more important than any bruise or mark they left on him. He only wished everyone would see that instead of the signs of his beating when they saw him today. No doubt half the school knows about that happened by now. Martin’s not the type to keep quiet about something like this, even though it could cause trouble for him. More important to him was the humiliation it would cause Kyle. They’d been in plenty of fights lately, and it wasn’t even the first time Kyle had to take on Martin and his buddies alone. But this was the only time that someone didn’t walk away. In his mind no matter how he tried to swing it, Martin had one-upped him. He’d lost and Martin had won, he’d made Kyle a victim.

He was out numbered, he was surprised and in the end, he was defenseless. None of that made any difference to him. In his mind, Martin had proved things that night; it wasn’t as simple as just causing him pain. He’d proven that fags are weak; it was ridiculous he knew but despite how he ended up face down, that’s how he felt. Martin had also proven that he didn’t belong; he had laid face down in that puddle for hours and no one cared, no one came looking for him and no tried to help. No parents or teachers had called the house to try and check on him. And here he was, heading back to school and all anyone was going to care about was that the fag got his ass kicked. He let out a heavy sigh as he turned to ready the shower. A sharp pain in his side reminded him once again of his injuries. By the time steam had begun to drift about the room, he had removed his clothing. Like most guys, he couldn’t help but use this time to look himself over while he was naked. His athletic background had contributed to his physical growth. Broad shoulders, tight waist and his chest were all proof that he used to train seriously for his particular sports. If not for things unraveling the way they did this past summer, Kyle would still be one of the more popular kids in school due to his looks alone. Now he wasn’t even an athlete, there was no reason for anyone to look his way these days other than to ridicule him.

With a heavy sigh he stepped into the shower, it was nearly twenty minutes later when he emerged from the shower into the steam-filled room. There was always something about a long hot shower that seemed to ease the stress, even if only for a short while. His time in the shower seemed to be ever increasing these days, perhaps the more stressful daily life became, the longer the shower required. At any rate he was glad his dad hadn’t yet noticed his extended time in the shower. He was a teenage boy after all ended up spending a little extra time in the shower relieving stress of a different kind. That was something else he noticed, he didn’t masturbate nearly as much anymore. In the past any opportunity he found to be alone could be spent on the internet browsing through erotic stories and downloading videos. And it wasn’t as though he had stopped all together; no force on this earth could cause that. But he couldn’t help but notice the ‘happy times’ were few and far between these days. And he knew why, it was them; all the name-calling, and the jokes and stares. Even though he was alone, even though no one could see him, he couldn’t help but feel like the filthy fag knowing exactly what everyone was thinking about him. While it didn’t stop him from ‘enjoying himself’, those thoughts didn’t exactly inspire mid afternoon marathon sessions.

As he toweled off he looked at himself in the mirror not so much to view himself but in an effort not to lose his nerve. He knew what he wanted to do and only needed the determination to follow through. As he finished drying off, he looked himself dead in the eyes for a few more moments. With yet another sigh he reached over grabbed the clippers he’d brought into the bathroom earlier. Flicking the switch and hearing the loud buzz produced by the clippers he closed his eyes as he took the first swipe. It didn’t really matter where he cut the hair or how low. He wanted it all off, his goal was to go for a nice looking but very close buzz cut. It was more drastic than anything else he’d ever done to his personal appearance. He opened his eyes again as some of his light brown hair feel onto his shoulder. As he continued he began to feel more at ease with the decision. Partly because there was no going back but he had to admit there was a sense of control with his actions. Something that had been missing for some time now. He’d go get it lined properly by a barber later but for now this was what he wanted and in his mind what he needed.

After he’d finished cleaning the bathroom he moved back into the hallway to place his dirty clothes and towel in the hamper. He could hear his dad typing away on his laptop at the kitchen table. More than likely going over one of his pressing reports for the morning. It dawned on Kyle just then that his father would most likely not be pleased with the drastic change in his appearance. But there was nothing either of them could do about it now. And in fact his father wasn’t likely to even notice, something Kyle didn’t intend to give him much time to notice. He hurried through the rest of his morning preparation. And by the time he was down stairs with his bag in hand his dad was gathering work paper into his briefcase in the living room. “You’re up pretty early aren’t you?” questioned the man taking a look at his watch as Kyle passed the living room.

“Yeah a little, I need to take care of some stuff before school,” replied Kyle grabbing a poptart and downing a glass of milk quickly. He looked to his dad, feeling the man’s stare on him for a brief moment. He was looking at Kyle as though he questioned his actions. He’d been careful to wear a light hoodie this morning, something he could throw over his clothes without getting too hot. Other than his hair he hadn’t put too much thought into his over all look this morning. He wore lose black jeans with a black shirt. It was just one of those days. The all white cotton hoodie he’d thrown on took the edge of his look and saved him from looking like a total goth. “You need any money?” the man asked turning back to his paper work.

“No, I’m good dad, see you later” replied Kyle heading out the door. He wasn’t sure if his dad gave a reply or not. That was more of a conversation than they usually have in the mornings. Stepping down onto the walk and towards the sidewalk he was more than a little anxious. As he began to walk he pulled a large trash bag from his backpack. Today was going to be a Friday of a different kind.

8:50am found Kyle jogging slowly to class with his backpack over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if he’d done the right thing just now. In fact he could get in a lot of trouble but in the end it was justified. In fact it wasn’t all that bad considering the retribution that was owed. Still as he rounded the corner and the school came into view he was feeling a mix of emotions. Guilt, anxiousness, anger, and he even found a way to feel a bit saddened by his actions. All in all what’s done is done and he’d made the decision long before he’d even gotten out of bed. Now all that was left was to stand tall and wait for the outcome.

School had just started and first bell would be sounding in about five minutes. The hall was packed with students just arriving while others were heading to class already. The clang of lockers opening and closing echoed off the hallways walls. Kyle had only been inside for a few minutes himself. Turning down the hall leading to the set of lockers reserved for the sophomores. Kyle was already feeling that weight return to his shoulders. Most days, you only feel like everyone is looking at you. Today, they were. Kyle still had his hood pulled over his head but it did little to hide the bruises and marks on his face. Moving down the hallway he received more than a few points and stares. And once he removed the hood from his nearly balled head it seemed the silence filled the air.

“Damn, where you been Kyle? No one has seen you since Wednesday.” Kyle was more than a little surprised to hear anyone talking to him. Turning to see Brian standing there he continued walking as he spoke.

“I’ve been around”

“I like the hair; you look bad ass with it shaved so low like that. Wait ...Jesus, looks like you caught a baseball with your face. It was Martin and the guys wasn’t it? That’s why you haven’t been in school? “

“Catch you later Brian,” said Kyle cutting him off as he continued down the hall.

“Uh...ok” replied Brian a bit confused. Kyle was never over enthused to talk with anyone these days. But just now he’d barely acknowledged Brian.

Kyle made his way to his locker getting a few more stares than usual from students and teachers. His lip was still split down the middle only now there was a dark scab and the right side of his face was covered in the remains of little scrapes and gashes. As he pulled some books out of his locker and put others in, Kyle spoke not a word to anyone. Something that wasn’t all that unusual as of late but more than that he didn’t look at anyone and in fact he nearly collided with several people as he began down the hallway towards the bathroom, he acted as though they weren’t there. He heard a bit of movement not far behind him and could hear a pair of feet approaching him rather quickly. Punching the nearby locker only inches away from the back of Kyle’s head; Martin made his presence known. “I know it was you!! He hissed.

Turning casually and looking Martin in the eyes; Kyle surprised them both. He didn’t square off ready for a fight. He didn’t jump all over Martin like a man possessed. He just stood there. “What that I don’t care about, are you referring too?”

“You fucking…”

“Hey I see you were a little late this morning. Car trouble?”

“You…are…dead, you’re going to pay for that damn window faggot and then…”

“Oh really? How you gonna manage that one old buddy? You going to go tell everyone that the little fag was being mean to you. Or perhaps go explain to your dad or even the cops about how I broke your windshield? That would be the responsible thing to do on your part…only I’d have to explain how you and your friends jumped me, dragged me into an alley and beat me up. Not to mention you left me laying face down…bleeding….in a puddle.” Kyle finished his words growing in intensity as he spoke. He watched Martin’s face for any signs of defeat. He was talking a big game but this was all new to him. In all reality he could get into a lot of trouble for what he did. Urged on by anger he only hoped that what Martin and his friend’s had done would overshadow his. Seeing Martin standing there running everything over in his head he knew he’d be fine for the time being. In fact he might have bought himself a few days of relief where Martin was concerned. That little notion planted by Kyle spelled doom for his perfect little world. He wasn’t likely to try anything for some time as long as Kyle’s face was visual proof of his actions. What would happen after he had healed was anyone’s guess.

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Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7